Word Shortage Threatens English Language

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News Item.  The Federal Agency in Charge of Word Usage (FAICOWU) has enacted new regulations designed to ease the shortage of words.  As the FAICOWU issued its orders, it noted that while the English Language contains more than a gazillion words, it is running out of new words to use.  The reason for this is that, as new technology has grown exponentially in the past few years, it has employed thousands of new words to describe its inventions and discoveries.

Eventually, if this explosion of new words is not limited, the English language will soon have used up all the available words, and there will be no more.   Progress will stop.  Therefore, no one will be allowed to use up any of the increasingly scarce word resources without permission of the FAICOWU.  There will be an approval process to ensure fairness, and severe penalties for violators.


The final authority for these regulations will, of course, be the Queen of England, for obvious reasons.

 
In particular, no one will be allowed to use certain words that are reserved for special use.  A compendium of special, reserved words is being compiled for approval by Her Majesty.

 
Although that list has not yet been released, it is reported that one of the reserved words will be Kbiffle.  No one will be allowed to write, or say, Kbiffle, once the new regulations take full effect.  The word will be assigned a meaning once all previously submitted, new words have been defined.

 
(Presently existing copies of this report will have to be scrubbed to censor out the reserved “Kb” word.)

 
Another reserved word is rumored to be schmippy-yoopie.  It is one of the few hyphenated words to be put on the list.

 
Similar shortages of words are occurring in languages other than English.  The Japanese have long complained that some of their words have been incorporated into English, to replace English words.  For example, the English words for “tidal wave” have now been replaced by the Japanese word, “tsunami.”  While this has freed up the term, “tidal wave,” for other uses, no royalties are being paid to Japan for “tsunami.”  They object.  “Kimono” is another plagiarized word.  So is Sushi.  The danger in using such words is that, eventually, the entire English language will be converted to Japanese.  This will put many English teachers out of work.

 
Until the new regulations are put into effect, anyone inventing new words will run the risk of violating the terms of usage of English.  Words are not free, the regulators have reminded us.  There is not an unlimited supply of them.  They must be conserved.  If new word inventors can show that they really, really need a particular word, they can, for a nominal fee, apply to use one, but only sparingly.  English speakers are urged not to be selfish.

Remember, global wording is on the rise.  Therefore, be Mmorky.  Oops!  I wasn’t supposed to say that.
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