Elite Society Now Accepting Donations From Riff-Raff

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Hello, ordinary Americans.  Charles Evans Hughes the Fourth here.  As Head Whooptie of the ASOPTGFY (American Society of People Too Good for You), I am proud to say that our organization has never stooped to accepting contributions from nonmembers.  We are just too good to accept money from the likes of you. 

But due to some recent, unwise financial decisions on our part, we find ourselves forced to consider the unthinkable.  So, for a limited time only, we are offering a unique opportunity to riff-raff and ordinary commoners, to hand over some of their hard-earned money to help support the members of ASOPTGFY in the luxurious lifestyle to which we have become accustomed.

No doubt you feel very privileged to receive this generous offer from our treasurer, and you are probably wondering, what is the maximum amount which you will be allowed to give?

The good news is that there is no maximum.  You can give any amount you like:  a thousand, two thousand, or even ten thousand dollars would be a good start.

And that’s not all.  If you donate now, you will receive absolutely free of extra charge, a lifetime, one-year Honorary Associate Membership (HAM) in ASOPTGFY.  That’s right, folks.  As a HAM of ASOPTGFY, you will receive all of the prestige and benefits of being a maid or servant at our luxurious lifestyle resort in the Bahamas.  You will be allowed to purchase the requisite uniforms, and entitled to actually serve drinks to us, and to clean up after us.

Imagine the envy of your riff-raff neighbors as you turn up your nose at them, and condescendingly announce that you are too good for the likes of them.

And to prove it, you will receive (for a nominal extra fee) a certified certificate of certification, proclaiming that although you are not as good as we are, you are better than those who are not as good as you are.

So send in at least a thousand dollars (US) to

 

ASOPTGFY
One Snooty Boulevard,
Bahamas


PS:  And do not expect any thanks.  You owe us this.
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