Letter to Plant City School Teacher

.
Frum Missus Jones.

 

Ah deemanned a polojee.  Hou dair u insalt mah sun.  Shor, he wuz leight four klass.  He Ed Mitts it.  Butt thet dont giv u no rite two kall him a Tardie.  An ah got witlesses hu scene u dun it.  Mah sun iz knot a Tardie.  Win he wuz forteen yirz oled, he wuz thuh smortist kid in sekun grayed.

 

Second Letter to Plant City School Teacher;

 

Sew.  Thuh inn salts keepa comin, do thay?  Nou u inn salted me.  U sed mah letr wuz thuh tardest letr u ever scene.  Mah huzbin whent threw a lotta trubble 2 git u thet letr.  He werkt all dae lawng at hiz rufin job wif thet letr in hiz pokkit.  He got tar awl over hissef, butt he stil got u thet letr, in pursun, and then u tole him two hiz fayce thet it wuz a tard letr.  U r the roodist teacher ah evver herd uv.  Nou I DEEMANNED a reelie BIG pollojee.

 

Letter From Plant City School Teacher

To Mrs Jones;

 

Dear Mrs Jones.  Your correspondence indicates an intellect which approximates that of the most primordial species of primate.  Your utter incapacity to comprehend the rudiments of the colloquial lexicon is truly unparalleled in my experience.  Indeed, it is my prognostication that upon your receipt of this letter, your cognition will submerge into unprecedented degrees of disorientation.

 

Third Letter to Plant City School Teacher;

 

Well.  Thass moor lykit.  Yor pollojee is hir buy exseptid.

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